An amateur pessimist's guide to the months of the year

A new year. New things to stress about. It's Januworry.

Only one month into the year and you're tired. Februweary.

Screw the dream; you sold out to the system. It must be Merch.

The world has made a monkey outa you. You're pissed. But what are you gonna do about it? It's only Aperile.

It's too hot to give a fuck about anything. Yay. It's Meh.

Your world-view is still jaundiced. Naturally. It's Jaune.

Ethics. Principles. Ju do what ju gotta do. Ju lie.

Couldn't get worse, yeah? It's Arghest.

But then you get Shitember.

And the world is just expectorant in Awk-thoo-ber.

Nothing will work to your advantage. It's Nahvember.

The world will bite you into little pieces. Because it can. And because it's Decmember.