Two-year-old child

He almost died several times in his first few months. Gran made Dad put his finger in that tiny palm, and that tiny hand clung on, and that tiny hand's owner clung on too. And they took him home.

Several more times, convulsions, extreme emetic episodes drained him and took him to hospitals and almost took him away.

When he was around eight, a cardiologist refused to operate on his heart, a surgery that would have given him better health. He's a vegetable, he said; he won't live into his teens; put him in an institution and forget about him; have more children. Mum and Dad were horrified. He was a smiling, laughing little boy who would always stay a little boy in his head, always need to be taken care of like a little boy, but also always stay smiling and laughing. It was unthinkable that he would be anywhere else than with them.

It's true that he almost died several more times in the years to come. Those occasional convulsions, that rare vomiting episode, the possible ulcerated colon, the curved spine that caused internal problems, that hip that dislocated and disintegrated without anyone noticing. He's had several stints in hospitals. He loves the damn things. All the attention from all the staff! His perpetual smile and easy laugh are magnets.

Mum and Dad never planned for a life for him after they were gone, because he was so fragile it would be silly to expect a normal lifespan for him. It worried Mum no end in her later years.

The little boy turned 51 today.

===

Why do I want to tell his story? There are many reasons. For now, just one. He's here. he defied the odds. He's still smiling.

Maybe I'll write later about the anger that boils up in me when I hear the suffix '-tard' as an insult. And how that makes me never want to talk to you again.

Maybe I'll write about how little this world, this country, this city, does for those whose bodies aren't 'normal,' whose minds will stay, always, childlike.

Maybe.

Not today.

But here, there's this. An attempt to let you look into his world. Some years old now, and neglected. But here.

From left field

My mother told me that as a little girl in school, she would instinctively do things with her left hand. But apparently that was not considered 'right' in those days; kids would be beaten for being left-handed, and forced to write with their right hands. She wasn't thrashed, but she was forced to use her right hand, and it became her dominant hand for most things. But toss her something without notice - a key or something like that - and she would instinctively catch it with her left hand.
By the time I was in school, the belief, the superstition (or whatever it was) that left-handedness was bad had long vanished. Lefties were still a minority and still are and will continue to be (statistically we are a right-handed species: only about 10% of people are left-handed).
The world is more hospitable to right-handed people on seemingly trivial things like the hand we use to for handshakes, through any number of utensils and tools, computer keyboards and mice, even for potentially dangerous power tools.
The bias against lefties remains in our language (in Latin, left is 'sinister,' in French, 'gauche,' and left itself meant, in Old English, weak, while right, as I've used it several times here, is correct), and in some customs (for instance money, in some parts of India, I have been told, must be handed over with the right hand, and parts of some religious observances must be performed with the right hand) but we no longer think left-handedness is evil or against the way of god. We accept that some people just ARE lefties. They don't choose it, they aren't tempted into it by bad company or decadent western morals or whatever someone's pet bias is. People aren't refused jobs if they're left-handed; we're okay with our kids associating with them, or, heck, even being lefties themselves. Lefties are 'normal' members of society in every way, even though the world we make around us is, quite literally, not always 'designed' for their needs.
All of which is to say, I wonder when we'll reach the same societal consensus on people who are sexually attracted to the same sex as themselves. (The stats are roughly the same, if I remember right: around 9% to 10% of humans are same-sex oriented.)

Oh, I'm right-handed, for the record.

Mumbai Press Club's Red Ink Awards: short-listed and winning stories

Not endorsed by or asked for by the Mumbai Press Club. This is just me and Google doing our thing. List reproduced from a Mumbai Press Club document I had access to because I was helping them out with live-Tweeting the event. The short-lists were displayed to the audience t at the event, so no secrets are being leaked.

P.S. No links for some print stories because I couldn't find them. And none to the TV stories because, ditto, I gave up after the first few. (Comment, tweet, or text me if you have them?)


BUSINESS

Print Shortlist

Rigged, Krishn Kaushik, The Caravan Magazine

Why The Jackfruit tree had Everything & Nothing to do with the CEO'S AS Murder, Anuradha Sharma, Yahoo Originals

Inside the network 18 takeover, Ashish K Mishra, Mint

Infy after Murthy, Goutam Das, Business Today

Winner

A Shah Overthrown, Dinesh Narayanan, The Caravan Magazine

Television Shortlist

MQ2- Ground Report : Jan Dhan Yojna, Lakshman Roy, CNBC awaaz

Chinese bullet train, Dibang, ABP News

Shah Commission Report on Illegal Mining - Operation Loot , Santosh Kumar & Deepak Upadhaya, Zee Business

Winner

China ke achche din kaise aaye, Dibang, ABP News



HUMAN RIGHTS

Print Shortlist

Why the Andaman Islands are headed for disaster, Madhusree Mukerjee, Grist Media & Yahoo Originals

Beware you could be next inmate at Beggars home (Series), Vinod Kumar Menon, Mid Day

Buddha's Orphan, Sohini Chattopadhay, Open Magazine

Budaun won PM award, Pritha Chatterjee, The Indian Express

Winner

Blood in the water, Salil Tripathi, The Caravan Magazine

Television Shortlist

Children of war, Jugal Purohit, TV Today Network

Winner

Koi Laut De Mere - Syed Wasif Haider - Series, ShaTahir Khan, Aaj Tak


POLITICS

Print Shortlist

Irregularities in cement nala bandh construction series, Tushar Kharat / Govind Tope, Sakaal Media Group

In the Mahatama's Footsteps, Niranjan Takle, The Week

Winner

RSS 3.0 - Mohan Bhagwat a resurgent Sangh to the cusp of political power, Dinesh Narayanan, The Caravan Magazine

Television Shortlist

Gujarat Loksabha Election - series, Alka Dupkar, IBN Lokmat

Winner

Kashmir Ki Kashmakash, Jitendra Dixit, ABP News



ENVIRONMENT

Print Shortlist

Western Ghats Series, Anahita Mukherjee, Times Of India

Far Valley, Anosh Malekar, Caravan

The Oppressed Ark, Allia Allana, Fountain Ink

Battle Over oil, coal &; forest, Kumar Sambhav Shrivastava, Down to Earth

Winner

Danger Factories Ahead / Mumbai's Ticking Bombs, Sharad Vyas, Mid Day

Television Shortlist

Marathawada Ki Haqeekat, Umesh Kumavat, ABP News

Save Aravali or Delhi will become a desert, Rajat Singh, Aaj Tak



SPORTS

Print Shortlist

Haryana IAS officer daughters national champ in Absentia, Saurabh Duggal, Hindustan Times

How Germany pulled off its football renaissance, Sopan Joshi, Grist Media and Yahoo Originals

The Wind in his willow, Devendra Pandey, Indian Express

Gopichand Factory, Lhendup G Bhutia, Open Magazine

Winner

Beyond the Boundary, Rahul Bhatia, The Caravan

Television Shortlist

Arjun Award story for Manoj Kumar, Rakesh Saran, Zee Media

Little Wonder, Subodh M Mayure, Jai Maharashtra

Winner

Story of Rajkumar Tiwari India's First Gold Medal Winner, Suprita Das, NDTV



BIG PICTURE

Print Shortlist

The Poisoned Land, Narendra Bisht, Outlook Magazine (Not sure if I have the right link)

Runner-up

Indian Museum ship Vikrant, Hemant Padalkar, DNA Newspaper

Winner

Where would you go if you were dying?, Hari Adivarekar, Yahoo Originals



LIFESTYLE & ENTERTAINMENT

Print Shortlist

The Revivalist, Thanuleho Hakokip, The Caravan Magazine

The Orewellian State, Shreevastva Nevatia, Blink

The Pleasures and Horrors of the digital afterlife, Lhendup Gyatso Bhutia, Open Magazine

Reeling in th Raj, Thanuleho Hakokip, The Caravan Magazine

Winner

The colourful and disturbing world of Guddu Rangila , Tanul Thakur, The Big Indian Picture

Television Shortlist

Love story season - Jiah Khan, Yaseer Usman, ABP News

Interview Vishal Bhardwaj, Pragya Tiwari, The BiG iNdian Picture

Winner

Art Talk : Pandit Jasraj, Jujhar Singh, News X



HEALTH & WELLNESS

Print Shortlist

Maha FD A writer to NPPA, Shardul Nautiyal, Chronicle Pharamabiz

The Neglected version Of Drowning, GBSNP Varma, Fountain Ink Magazine

Carcinogenic banned chemical used to ripen mangoes APMC market vashi, Vinod Kumar Menon , Mid-Day

Winners

Life after liver transplantation, Johnson Poovanthuruth, Deepika

Smokescreen, Nikita Saxena, The Caravan



CRIME

Print Shortlist

Hell on the high seas, Madhavankutty Pillai, Open Magazine

Andheri Man's Daring Escape From Human Slavery Mafia In Malaysia, Bhupen Patel, Mid Day

Winners

The Believer, Leena Reghunath, The Caravan Magazine

Dangerous new drug hits Mumbai market worst it is not covered under NDPS Act unless exposed by Midday (series), Vinod Kumar Menon, Mid Day Infomedia Ltd


Television Shortlist

Moin Qureshi - Operation Hawala, Tarun Nangia / Dipu Rai, Zee Business

Phoolan Devi Murder, Vikas Mishra, ABP News



SCIENCE & INNOVATION

The Mirror Man, Srinath Perur, Mosaic

Snow Business, Peter Griffin, Forbes India

Why is Hari Chasing a lizard in the Andaman's, Deepika Sarma, Yahoo Originals

Game changer Lifesaver, Mini P Thomas, The Week Magazine

Winner

How a wasp won the great papaya war, Shamsheer Yousaf, Fountain Ink Magazine



JOURNALIST OF THE YEAR

Truth vs Hype, Sreenivasan Jain, NDTV



IMPACT EDITOR OF THE YEAR

Arnab Goswami, Times Now



LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD

Prannoy Roy, NDTV

Observations from a hospital

#WriteWhatYouKnow & all.

In random order.
Senior male docs are referred to as Dr [Surname] or [Surname] Sir. Senior female docs are referred to as Dr [Firstname], even by themselves.
Juniorish docs referred to (across genders) as Dr [Firstname].
Nurses are never Nurse [Name] just Sister or, increasingly now with more male nurses, Brother.
The family references also apply to the orderlies, who are Maushi or Maamaa, never their names.
Interesting that those lower in the hospital pecking order get to be more senior 'relatives.' So it's amusing to see, say, a senior nurse addressing a younger orderly as Maushi, and being addressed in return as Sister.
And older patients in bigger hospitals get called Madam or Sir. In smaller neighbourhood hospitals: Aunty or Uncle.
(Must sadly confess that the nurses in my neighbourhood hospital call me Uncle. Or rather, them being mainly Malayali, Ungle.)
Also, while the nursing profession seems to be attracting more men now, the Malayali dominance continues!
(On a recent Kerala trip, I had this happy feeling of being in familiar territory, though I've barely spent time there. It was only when I was in hospital recently did it click together: that's the only other place where I have been surrounded by thick Malayali accents!)
The ironic thing about being in hospital as a patient is how you become part of the furniture. Staff around you discuss the details of their personal lives without inhibition. You're just .. background. Like the water-cooler, or the photocopier. Not a person. And, at the same time, you are understanding them as people, individuals with normal concerns & hassles, not their job functions.
Right then. This is your Ungle signing off for now. Gotta go to the hospital for post-op follow-up visit.

Even More Animal Passions

On V-Day, one male honeybee gets to mate, but at a sad price
Ejaculation ejects sperm. And genitals, which can't bee nice

***

Echidna males have something that would make you scratch your forehead
The male valentine equipment comes with, you guessed it, four heads

***

With anglerfish, the love-bite is for keeps, and that's no metaphor
The male literally stays attached: it's V-day for ever more

***

You think your.. Valentine is big? Mate, you're actually quite thrifty
The male barnacle has a thing that's his body length times fifty.

***

The Valentine antics of the antichinus are worthy of a talk at TED
They do nothing but bonk for weeks until the males go blind & drop dead

***

Banana slugs are hermaphrodites, so each one can do & be done
But occasional apophallation can end the Valentine's fun of one

***

Squid celebrate Valentine's day at arm's length, you could say
The male throws sperm packets, the female caches them away

***

Dolphins don't have hands or feet, they're not 'manipulative'
But their prehensile male organs make V-day, um, creative

***

According to @realscientists, nurse sharks are prone to hi-jinks
Their Valentine celebrations are a physical form of group-think

***

Feline males have keratin barbs on their Valentine equipment
Withdrawal is painful, so females are quite vocal post delivery of shipment

***

The water boatman's Valentine song's sung in a way that's all its own
It vibrates its penis against its abs, the loudest animal sound known

(in proportion to the critter's size)

***

Harpactea sadistica ladies have no vagina-like place for.. deposits
So the gent drills one in her body & opens his Valentine faucet

***

Turkeys meant for eating are for enormous breasts breeded
Which makes natural breeding tough, so artificial Valentinisation is needed

***

Flatworms are hermaphrodites, they.. come with TWO 'swords' on the tummy
They fence each other for V-day, & the loser gets to be mummy

***

Giant pandas don't seem to KNOW exactly how to get it on
So for Valentine season researchers have to show them panda porn

***

Bonobos don't fight much; they resolve conflict with sexual play
In other words, for bonobos, every day is St Valentine's day

***

Male marsupials have two-pronged penises which seems like too many for one
But the females have two vaginas, so they're ready for Valentine's fun

***

Male 'gators don't need Valentine viagra, they have permanent erections
Excessive amounts of collagen there explain the constant distension

***

Snakes & lizards have two sets of valentine tackle
But they use them one at a time, which is practical

***

Amphibian Valentine play does not involve a nexus twixt the sexes
Daddy semi-leapfrogs Mummy, and then performs amplexus

Subtle sexism

Hello Genderlog fans :)

I'm doing a stint behind the wheel at @genderlogindia on Twitter next ^this^ week.

The topics I plan to focus on are women in the workplace in professions that on the surface seem to have a fair amount of gender balance, but which nevertheless see discrimination happening. From conversations I've had, this can be of a more subtle nature than what one would see in more traditionally chauvinistic work areas, but it exists all right.

The professional areas that came to mind:
• Journalism including broadcast journalism, photojournalism, criticism, opinion, editorial cartooning, and design and tech in their journalistic avataars
• Publishing including writing, art and design in their book avataars, aside from the business of publishing
• Advertising, Marketing, PR, including social media handling, Event Management
• Art commercial, creative, design
• Technology (yes, there is quite a decent ratio at least in the younger age groups, and then many women seem to drop out, and examining why that happens is part of that discussion) and Science
• Academia and Education
• Entrepreneurship across categories
• Maybe Banking and Financial Services too, since so many women are at the top of this field
Edited to add:
• Entertainment, including cinema, music, stage, stand-up

I was wondering whether (a) you have any suggestions for things I should read on the topic, and link to, connected with gender and these area of work and (b) whether I can call on you to chip in on the discussions when they happen?

Let me know, and also do please pass the word?

Leave suggestions here, or tweet me at zigzackly or email me.

Free offence

It is possible to hold these views simultaneously:

• Free speech is critically important; on it rest many other liberties

• Free speech can offend; many DO offend using free speech; that is okay; in fact it must be defended

• Offensive speech must be defended even if you disagree vehemently with what is being said; defending it does not mean you agree with it

• Offensive speech can be countered with more free speech, which can be as, or more, or less — your choice, it's free, remember? — offensive

• Rational, contemplative, evidence-backed responses work better

• It can be fun to mock too, but this usually winds up preaching to the choir and alienating those who agree with the idea you're ridiculing (but humour, mockery, satire, and even crude satire is free speech too, so go for it, and try, pretty please, to be actually funny so I can defend you with my heart in it)

• There is learning to be had from even very offensive speech

• Countering offensive speech with violence is wrong

• Islam is getting vilified for the misdeeds of its radical fringe

• Dig deep enough, try hard enough to understand, and you'll find that inequality — economic inequality — lies at the root of much religion-based conflict, and that these inequalities are being exploited by leaders who use religion as a cloak for their lust for power and money

• People who take offence at slights to what they call an omnipotent being are risible

• All religion is crap

• If religion helps you sleep well at night, I have no quarrel with you

• Bacon is tasty

What did you read in 2014?

This is just for fun, and completely random, but I think we can get some interesting insights together. No, I can't track you and steal all your personal information (this is a Google Drive form, so maybe Google can), but if you prefer, you can take this poll in its own page, here.

Jo mera hai, woh mera hai

Hello. This is Cartel, one of those lovely companies who came into the electricity-providing business when the government opened it up to the private sector.

When we started out, all of you were using incandescent bulbs and tube lights and stuff like that. Achche Din, right?

Now many of you are using power-saving CFL bulbs and even LED bulbs. This has cut into our revenue.

Yeah, yeah, sure, you're also using our electricity a whole lot more because now there are so many more electricity-powered devices available, but basically we resent you terribly for being subversive and using our bijli less for lighting. So, henceforth we will be charging you more money to provide power to your other devices, like ACs, TVs, computers, cellphones, electric vehicles and suchlike, to make up for what we're losing to the advance of technology, which we hadn't really accounted for in our business plan. Who knew, right?

How do we know what you're using the power for? Well, let's just say we have ways of looking into your home and seeing what's, heh, charging.

Why? Heck, because we can.

Written for Nikhil Pahwa, who is out there leading the good fight.

The #GoodGovernanceDay Hymnal & Songbook

Carols for the fat man with the white beard

मेरी Good Governance Day!

Christianity, mitron, has often appropriated festivals and celebrations from other religions. The Christmas tree, the Yule log, mistletoe (and that debauched custom of kissing under it) all have origins in pre-Christian times and pagan customs. Even this so-called Christmas day was conveniently shifted to coincide with the Winter Solstice to make it easier to lure in followers of other religions.

Now that we are doing a bit of Ghar Wapasi for the 25th December, as a former Christian and devout believer in and proselytiser of Good Governance, I present for your singing pleasure a few songs I, ahem, 'converted' from their previous use. Perfect for chanting around a pile of burning books.

1.

Jingalala! Bail! Jingalala! Bail!
I got out of jail!
O what fun it is to be
Pals with India's leading male!

2.

Silence! We're the Right
Stay calm, sit tight
Curfew time for mother and child
No going out, the night is wild

Sleep in, we'll keep the peace,
Sleep in, we'll keep the peace

Silent night, no not quite
Safe for you to go out tonight
Chow mien has been stuffed down faces
So, no, the night for you has no place

Stay home, cook, & give birth
Stay home, cook, & give birth

3.

Hark the herald Sanghis tweet
"Glory to the Virgin King!
Peace on earth? Only my child
If Ghar Wapasi pleas are filed"

Joyful, all ye nations rise
In from India Modi flies
While the NRI hosts proclaim:
His undying glorious fame

Hark! The hired Tweeters sing
"Glory to the Virgin King!"
By the VHP adored
And by all who can afford
To have him use their private planes
Achche dins will fall like rain!

56 inches round is he
Custom-made is his finery
Pleased to watch that tummy swell!
No sorry, that's his chest that fell.

Hark the hired Sanghis tweet!
Then off to Burger King to eat!

4.

Deck the halls with balls of haldi,
Fa la la la la, la la. Aila!

Clear out all western baggage jaldi
Fa la la la la, la la. Aila!

Don we now saffron apparel,
Fa la la la la, la la. Aila!

Trolls are here with you to quarrel,
Fa la la la la, la la. Aila!

Choose: against us or are you for us?
Fa la la la la, la la. Aila!

What western culture is this chorus?
Fa la la la la, la la. Aila!

Follow me! Your RTs are treasure,
Fa la la la la, la la. Aila!

They give me all kinds of pleasure,
Fa la la la la, la la. Aila!

Ancient culture for our masses
Fa la la la la, la la. Aila!

Never mind if it's anti the lasses
Fa la la la la, la la. Aila!

Sing, you yoyos, all together,
Fa la la la la, la la. Aila!

While I tuck in to my headband a feather,
Fa la la la la, la la. Aila!

5.

Godse rest ye, mere gentlemen
Let nothing you dismay
Remember, Good Governance
Was born on 26 May
To save us all from Western powers
Such as this Christmas Day

O tweetings of comfort and joy,
(It does not cloy!)
O tweetings of comfort and joy

For three score years and seven
This country had not known
The joys of being governed
And not by a Kangressi pawn
But now, mitron, I am here
Give thanks that I was born!

O tweetings of comfort and joy,
(It's a boy!)
O tweetings of comfort and joy

Watch us wield our jaadus now
In the TV camera's frame
So that tonight at nine pee em
Arnab can say our names
Never mind that we're sweeping up
Pre-arranged garbage for fame

O tweetings of comfort and joy,
(It's a PR ploy!)
O tweetings of comfort and joy

"Fear not" said the party head,
"I got you in my sights,
I got info on your foes
Enough to give them frights
They'll soon sing the party line
If they know what for them's right"

O tweetings of comfort and joy,
(Don't be coy!)
O tweetings of comfort and joy

The NRI fans at those tidings
Rejoiced as do their kind,
By abusing all the sickulars
And libtards they could find
Though strangely very few returned
To the land they left behind

O tweetings of comfort and joy,
(Green card joy!)
O tweetings of comfort and joy

And when they came to New Delhi
Where our dear Saviour stays,
They found him not in the Lok Sabha
Though you may remember the day
When he knelt down and kissed its steps
The 20th day of May?

O tweetings of comfort and joy,
(MPs annnoy!)
O tweetings of comfort and joy

To our chief we sing praises,
Bless his bearded face,
We the insecure brotherhood
Are right here in your face;
He may call it governance
We call it running the place

O tweetings of comfort and joy,
(We love our toys!)
O tweetings of comfort and joy

6.

Jai to the World, #SwacchBharat has come!
Let no one be shirking!
Let every hearth prepare their brooms,
Cameras are looking,
Cameras are looking,
News TV cameras are looking!

Jai to the World, soc'l media reigns!
Let pee aar firms employ
Benched geeks and jocks to shill and 'splain
Retweet the sounding joy,
Retweet the sounding joy,
Retweet, retweet the sounding joy.

You love the words, and I have more!
Lots more, so hang around!
Good Gov'nance Day is my next play
I really like the sound,
I really like the sound,
I like, I like, I like the sound.

He trolls the world, with a straight face,
Though he is yet to prove
That he can do the things he says,
We drink the Kool Aid, Love,
We drink the Kool Aid, Love,
We drink, we drink the Kool Aid, Love