So with the games set to begin on Friday, I journeyed on down the path to soccer enlightenment. Generous guy that I am, I figured I'd share my accumulated wisdom with similarly situated dolts. I thusly present The Ignorant American's Guide to the World Cup.
While having an ignorant American write this guide may well defeat its underlying purpose, rest assured that I've done my homework, interviewing several people with funny accents. Since labeling non-midwestern accents "funny" is one of the bona fide calling cards of American ignorance, I knew I was on the right path from the get-go. Let's dive right into it.