Succumb
‘Want to go up to the terrace while the order gets ready?’
‘Yes.’ As simple as that. No games.
...
Her eyes glistened in the moonlight.
‘I...’
Whack!
My cheek stung. ‘That was for presuming I’d say “Yes.”’
Whack!
The other cheek. Christ. She’s ambidextrous. ‘And that was for being right.’
And then she kissed me.
9th January 2006. 55 words.
The addition of the ellipsis thanks to excellent suggestion from an anonymous commenter,
7 comments:
Neat, very neat. The element of surprise makes for good erotica.
But why did she kiss him BEFORE they went up to the terrace?
J.A.P.
JAP,
Honoured.
The eyes glistening in the moonlight bit was supposed to indicate that they were on the terrace by then. Didn't work, I guess.
‘Yes.’ As simple as that. No games.
...
Her eyes glistened in the moonlight.
?
Anon
Would you care to expand on that question?
What I meant was putting ellipses between the two sentences would convey a sense of a break in narration, that of passing time, and the probably Mr. Prufrock would not wonder why she had kissed him BEFORE etc.
"and *then* probably Mr. Prufrock"..
Ah. Gotcha. Good suggestion. It shall be done. Many thanks.
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